I’ve never been one to bite my tongue or hold back, how I truly felt about something. I honestly can say that CHEATING is a sport for some guys, and many of them fail at it. Because in previous relationships, I’ve caught the guys RED HANDED. Sometimes, I even did some investigating and discovered more shit. But I’m never the one who gets played. Call me a savage, but you won’t call me STUPID.
Cheaters know how to cheat, especially if they’re talented at smooth words, and all that good shit. A good cheater, can fuck you and have you believing your bussy shits gold. I swear cheating is a skill set! Not everybody knows how to CHEAT at least they don’t know how to cheat SMART.
But I’ve never been a cheater, and I HAVE NEVER CHEATED. I do not play with the universe! I believe in Karma, and she always gets her revenge. But sadly, I’ve been on the wrong side of the bed. I have been cheated on, and I think the majority of gay men can confess to this as well. It’s an ugly cycle which continues and will always happen. Gay men are MEN at the end of the day, and some of them can’t control their sexual urges. Now, will I sit here and lie, and say I was with somebody and didn’t see other men attractive? NO. I have seen many handsome guys while in a relationship. But that’s when being FAITHFUL comes into play. You can CHOOSE to lay up with somebody else, or you can be loyal to the one you LOVE.
Needless to say — cheating has always been a pet peeve of mines, but I’ve been cheated on more times than I could count. It hurts, but you learn to move on and heal from it. Nobody wants to be cheated on, and nobody wants to be caught RED HANDED cheating.
The question is… Why do men cheat? I can only speak for what I know, I have never been in a relationship outside of my race, so I can’t on other races of gay men. But black gay men I’ve had my share of troubles trying to love my own race of men. Now, I’m not alone because almost every other black gay man I’ve spoken too have been cheated on as well. It seems like a problem that just doesn’t go away.
But I will say hurt people, hurt people. The reason why I say that is because most gay men of color have been hurt. You can meet a guy, and he can tell you all of the wrongs that have been done to him. But he’ll never tell you, all the wrong he’ll end up doing to you! But most of them know that they can’t be faithful, but those are usually the ones who do the most. The guys who go the extra mile just to prove that he’s devoted. When being faithful doesn’t need any evidence or proof at all. Being faithful is an act that doesn’t show for itself, it just happens.
I haven’t met a gay man of color who haven’t cheated or been cheated on. I always respect the ones who be honest and say, yeah I’ve cheated before, and this is what I’ve learned from it. Some of these men are so messed up. They can’t even admit small white lies. You would think people can be honest about their lives, but you’d be surprised what most guys will hide from you.
When guys show you who they are — believe them!
I’ve talked to guys and had them tell me their whole life stories. Some things I can relate on and other things, I rather stay away from, period. But the best guy to come across is an honest one. Somebody who can admit that they’ve cheated, done somebody wrong and wish they could take it back. But there’s something about the guy who claims he’s only been cheated on and never done anything wrong.
Now if I said I didn’t do anything in those relationships, I’d be a damn lie. Yeah, I may have had an attitude problem, I may have pushed a few of them to that point of stepping out. But at the end of the day, it was still their decision to cheat. I always say, I rather leave a relationship before I go lay down with another soul. Because it’s not worth it at all, If you are not happy with me if I don’t make you happy anymore leave me. That doesn’t give you the right to cheat on me because we had a petty ass argument. So yes, I have done things or engaged in situations that lead to my partner being unfaithful. But when a person can’t even admit to doing wrong at all, it’s kind of bullshit. Nobody’s perfect, and if they say they are THEY NOT BEING HONEST.
If most guys been cheated on, more than likely, they going to repeat it in their next relationship — or avoid doing it. But nobody can deny that they’ve been hurt before, and we all can connect on that pain.
But to end this post with the main topic, I love when a cheater can accuse you of cheating. I mean the blame games, the selective arguments, the bullshit. Just things to put their guilt on you. I had one ex who used to cheat on me, and he would tell me I was the reason for it. He would start arguments with me and then go out and cheat. I was 21 at the time, and I kind of fell for his bullshit. But he played a smart game. He would cheat and not feel a thing about it. It wouldn’t even eat at his conscious because he would use his tactics to block out any ounce of guilt. This man was a gifted individual who had a way with words. He would turn it around on me and accuse me of cheating. He would go to the extreme and tell me he didn’t want me hanging out with other guys. He was so controlling that I feared to lose him. He had me wrapped around his fingers, while he played his games.
I was a damn fool back then, and I would never allow somebody to treat me that way again at 27. But he knew what he was doing, and he played that act to the T. But he was so good, he had me questioning my damn self. That’s the kind of level of manipulation he had over me. I knew he was cheating the whole time. I even visioned it in a dream. That’s how we ended up breaking up because after a certain point his guilt started to eat away at him. He couldn’t even look at me without crying, and it was that deep.
I know this post was kind of long, but I had to speak my mind and get this topic off my spirit. I know some of you guys got something to add to it. Leave a comment; it’s free to do! You don’t know what you might say that could help somebody else. I blog to inspire and help those who can understand the struggles, pain, and survival. I want you guys to connect to me and know that you’re not alone in many of these situations. Because it may not seem like it, but a lot of people feel alone with their pain. So reach out to me, lets chat and leave your thoughts in the comment section.
But if you are dealing with an unfaithful partner, you need to find your way. Whether if you want to stay or go, just make the right decision for yourself. If you’re not happy with somebody, don’t cheat on them. If you want out, then get out and do your thing. But don’t string anybody along, when you know you’re not going to be faithful to them.
Dear Gay Men In Color: Manifest The Man Of Your Dreams
Manifestation works especially if you know how to go about manifesting your inner power. I do believe that it’s not an overnight wish with results from a cheap ass magic trick. I also believe if you don’t put in the work, you won’t get any results.
I’m not speaking about any love spells, etc. manifestation is powerful if used correctly. But you have to remember that all things usually do happen in due time. Don’t think this will have you finding mr. right today. But then again, anything is possible when you put in the work. Somethings happen out of luck.
The most important step in all of this is journaling your man. You’re probably confused, but keep reading. Basically write what you want — personality type, body type, financial status, etc. whatever type of man you want — write it describing him to the t.
Then write down how you want him to enter your life, and all the great opportunities that could blossom from finding him. You should write it as if you’re building your man.
But please don’t go writing rich, football star, rnb singer, etc. Don’t write the type of man that you know damn well you are not going to find.
We gotta be realistic or the manifestation will not work. You gotta find a man that you can meet half way. If you want something out of your league then you’re wasting your time. Meet a man that is your equal. There’s levels to this shit.
The more serious and realistic your journal notes are about him, the better results you will get from it. So you may end up with the mail man, the janitor down the block, the barber, etc. whoever is meant for you will be in your life. But don’t go reaching to far. Just trust the process.
Manifestation tends to meet us where we are currently or where we may be going in our lives. So a match is formed with the right candidates. So you may end up lucky with a football player if that’s meant for you. But to want a particular type of man that’s not even aligned in your destiny is pointless.
You have to breathe, sleep, dream about him day and night. The more positive you remain the sooner you may run into him. Keep good thoughts and never question the process. Sometimes we block our own blessings by putting negative thoughts into the universe. So whatever you think or feel might be what you will receive.
How I know this works, well because I’ve done it and it works every time. But one thing I know for a fact is keep this dream man to yourself. Do not tell nobody else what you want and journaled. Keep him to yourself because sometimes people may not wish you well.
Do not curve any guys that may come your way. The real man that you want and need, and what GOD may have for you could be anybody. He may not be your actual “desired” type or interest. He might be completely opposite from the type of man you go for. But trust me he is the one for you. I know that sounds like a dream crusher, but it’s reality. Some guys want shit that they know they can’t have, and meanwhile what they need they avoid. The universe won’t send you somebody unless they were meant for a season, a reason, or a purpose.
Jack’d, Grindr, Tinder, And Plenty Of Fish: Do’s And Don’ts And All Things In Between
Being a member of the majority of the popular gay dating apps, I think I got the credibility and credentials to speak on these things. I’ve made few mistakes and dodged a few as well. But one thing I can honestly say is, I still to this day see these errors and ways online.
Online dating for the gay community has advanced in so many ways. We don’t have to do the bathhouses and somebody’s nearby park to meet up. All it takes to meet your match is the stroke of a few keys and some good ol WiFi. But then again maybe social skills for these men wouldn’t be so bad if things would be old school.
You can get access to just about any type of man you want and more. Despite the catfishes and crooks, you’d be shocked how much dack is out there on display. Most people don’t know how to use these resources to pull what they truly want.
So let’s get into these do’s and don’ts when it comes down to these popular gay dating/fucking apps.
First thing is first… you know what you signing up for when you join these apps. Ain’t nobody got time for your tears and complaints. Bitch go join Christian mingle if you feel some type of way about the hoes. Yes, dack pics and shitty ass pics will be on display. Why huff and puff about shit you should already be accustomed to? Shit, Bgclive and Adam4adam have prepared us all for this level of hoeism. You either down for the cause or out without pay. But the hoes will still be hoes and these apps will still be designed with the purpose of sex.
I get it, you didn’t sign up for all of that freakiness. But yo ass didn’t have a problem stroking those keys to find a password selection and join option. Clearly, these things can’t be affecting you that bad if your ass is present.
I’m going to need these down low/DL men to have a seat in the front row of the congregation. I need to talk to some of you real quick. Now if you’re down low, and make these claims of being discreet then what the fuck makes you decide to post these open photos? You claim you not openly gay, but yet you got your face all in these apps. You don’t think yo girl don’t know any active users of those apps? Do you not think women in 2018 not catfishing on these gay apps trying to catch their man on the low in the act?
Messy situation but true, some time ago a down low guy got caught on an app. His girl created a fake page and just so happen to catch him logged in. This fool set up a meet up with his girl and his images were displayed all over the page. Needless to say, I don’t think he’d do that shit again. But seriously, you say you down low so why the hell you got pictures of your face on the app, You don’t think the heterosexual community can’t download and scoop through these apps? Smh.
Now that we got that out the way, I need to address something else. Fellas, please stop with these long ass dragged out profile descriptions. Write a small bio it shouldn’t be any longer than a Facebook bio or even a tweet length. You may be the most educated interesting man on these damn apps, but I’m not about to read novel after novel on these profiles.
What happened to be able to break the shit down and organize the bios? I tend to swipe left on pages after becoming overwhelmed with the lengths of the bios. I don’t wanna read a profile for 20 mins just to get to the bottom and you’ve dismissed fats and fems. I’ve done wasted time and found out I didn’t even qualify.
Blank Profiles… These ghost members who want to play these damn games. Listen, if you hit me up and you don’t have a picture and I ask you to send me one, don’t catch an attitude. You know the game the moment you pressed send with no damn profile pictures in sight. I’m not about to have a blown out conversation without seeing who the hell I’m speaking to on these apps. This doesn’t work like that and ain’t nobody got time for those games. You came to me with no face photo knowing I wouldn’t entertain that shit. How are you going to catch an attitude with me? This applies to the profiles with locked photos. Unlock yo shit!
Favoriting and sending unsolicited nudes… please explain to me why you think because you favorite my page that I’m about to hop on yo dick? Then when I don’t do it, waiting for you to actually write me, you wanna block and get mad?
Also, stop sending these damn unsolicited nude pics. Your dack does nothing for me. I’m sorry, I don’t jump to the sight of a rock hard dack. They all look the same to me and you probably can’t hang. If you wanna get me aroused ass would do quite better. But don’t send me nudes unsolicited period. If you had read my page you would have known I’m not into casual sex.
Read my page before contacting me. Don’t you guys hate when somebody contacts you without reading or even attempting to look at your profile? I can’t stand when guys hit me up and didn’t even take time out to read my page. What annoys me is the fact that I’m chubby I’m not skinny. Guys will hit me up and clearly I state on my page that I’m chubby. We get a conversation going only for them to go ghost after finding out I’m not skinny. Or they ask me to send a full body pic, and I’ll send them my Instagram and then they act stupid dumb. Like hello, my profile states everything you need to know to avoid wasting my time. I could give no fucks about yours if you weren’t genuinely interested in me. Read the profiles before hitting me up. Thanks… management!
Guys online who’s only on to pass time with no interest in meeting up or getting to know anybody. Why the fuck are you on here? Why are you here hoe? In the words of Joseline. You passing time or are you wasting time? Because no level of boredom could have me sit on an app for no reason. That’s pointless shit. A pointless conversation about nothing equals time being spent for nothing. Chile, I guess — keep doing you.
Catfishing + 2018 = FAIL! Like let’s be real it’s 2018 technology has advanced to the highest power. You would think people’s intelligence level would of advanced as well but clearly, that’s not the case here.
There is no reason why people are catfishing or being catfished in 2018. If you don’t get a damn thumbs up picture or even a name tag shot to secure the bag. First of all social media is everything. Okay, he doesn’t have Instagram but he’s on social media in some sort of way. Now if he’s a hood boy piece of trade he may not have any of that shit. That’s the chance you may need to take talking to him. But being fooled only makes you the fool. Be smart.
Scammers scam on but I won’t be one of the fools. People seriously out here getting scammed on these sites. If a sexy guy with fake pics send you a message about bank-wiring receiving funds block and delete. Do not entertain the bullshit, but sadly people are still being fooled.
The list goes on but I got other things to write about. You should know the rest anyway. But we gotta do better on these apps. These apps are nothing new and at this point, Y’all know what to do and not to do. But here is a quick list of dos.
Be interesting and know how to start, hold and carry out a full blown conversation. It makes you look smart even if you not that smart.
Introduce yourself the right way. Make sure you give a name before carrying on a conversation it’s only the right thing to do.
Reply back to people even if you’re not interested. You may make a new friend and god know some folks on these apps need them. Being mean rude and nasty to people will get you nowhere. I don’t care how pretty you are in the face fella! You gotta be humble. It will get you places!
Black Gay Relationship Goals You Should Want To Reach In Your Next Relationship
The black gay community is lacking current relationship goals couples. We’ve seen a few, but they’ve come and vanished over time. Yeah, we have some amazing black gay youtube couples but we could use more positive couples to look up to for hope in this lack or there of the dating scene in our community.
I’m not saying glamorize these people because everything you see on social media isn’t all real. Yeah, all couples have their negative side and go through things. But nobody’s relationship is perfect, no matter how they may try making it appear in public and online. But the genuine love and loyalty are what makes many black gay couples special.
Being a relationship goals couple does not mean fucking men together and swinging in these open relationships. It means setting an example that is barely displayed for us. Many gay men of color admire and look up to these relationship goals and semi-famous couples. Yeah, some of them wanna fuck them and break up happy homes, but not all of us feel that way.
Relationship goals should be solid and unbreakable. Nobody should be able to come in between you and your partner. You both have to keep y’all relationship woes off Facebook and other social media platforms and focus on molding the love. I believe in true love within our community, and despite the obstacles, I believe love is possible.
So I came up with a list of ways that you could make you and your man, relationship goals for the black gay community. I know it’s a lot of pressure and expectations community worth it. We need more influences among us in the community. We need more love displayed without the dysfunctional aspects of black gay couples.
Be Able To Last A Whole Year Together.
Most black gay couples can’t even last a week nowadays. So a whole year is almost a decade in our dating world. Be a true relationship goal for other newly black gay couples. Prove those who doubt love in our community wrong, we can be in healthy longevity relationships.
Reach Out To Other Black Gay Couples And Plan Double Dates.
No, I’m not saying set up couples orgies. But double dates with other black gay couples can give a good impression on social media. We can come together in numbers and make big things happen. Building couple friendships is a relationship goal of mine.
Own A Home, Business, Matching Vehicles.
Black gay couples should focus on owning property together, and build an empire. It should be you and your man against the world. Getting matching vehicles would be cute which is a goal of my own. But seriously, teamwork makes the relationship work. Owning things together and building together shows that we can do more than fuck and fight all day. We can also be power couples as well.
Keep The Relationship Drama Offline And The Relationship Goals Strong Online.
Nobody has time for seeing other black gay couples fighting online. It’s discouraging and just doesn’t give us a good look. We want to put out positive energy for those who inspire to have a strong solid relationship. We’ve seen enough messy black gay relationships pour their breakups and infidelities online.
Shit, you would think enough black gay men admire Beyonce, why wouldn’t they study her marriage. Yeah, we got lemonade and Beyonce doesn’t have the perfect marriage. But you will never see her go deep with the shit and pour the worse of the worse. Some things don’t need to be put out for the public — I mean unless you plan on making millions off of exposing the shit.
Don’t Be Like Other Gay Couples Be Different Be Unique.
Never try to emulate or copy other black gay couples in hopes of being that next big black gay relationship goals couple on social media. You will fail miserably, just be yourself and allow the relationship to be admired naturally. Don’t jump on YouTube with the guy you just started dating several months ago and try to be skeezytv. Build the relationship and if you decide to follow the trend of having a couples channel make it unique. No fake boring ass prank videos or phony how we met story times. If you met on your knees after chatting on Jack’d then say that. But don’t make up this big ass fairytale story because I see through the bullshit and I’m sure others do as well.
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