People are entitled to have a preference for their choices in dating. This is not a bashing blog post. It’s just to open doors for conversation. Now my friend, and I have been talking about interracial relationships all day. He’s entirely against the idea of dating outside of the black race as a gay man of color. I understand and respect his decision. Me personally, I never experienced interracial dating and relationships, not out of choice, but just haven’t come across the right type of man of another race that I found personally attractive.
I see all men of all colors attractive, and I know some, who just isn’t appealing to me. Now my friend isn’t a racist. He has all types of friends of all racial makeup and backgrounds. But he doesn’t have any good taste in men, which is why we had this deep conversation a week ago. A few guys he saw somehow just didn’t turn out being for him. I had suggested how about he tries interracial dating, and he went left entirely. I know how he is so I changed the discussion to avoid a much more profound and unnecessary debate. But he was persistent in expressing himself. Being that I am a good (loyal) friend I allowed him to say just how he felt.
He had some bad experiences, and I’m about to touch on that now. A dickhead, he once really liked turned him down, because he preferred Caucasian and Asian men only. In a way that left a bad taste in his mouth. Now the way the guy went about it was just wrong. I won’t go into detail, but just know it was utterly distasteful and my friend has not gotten over it. But the sad part is the guy ended up getting turned down by those same men due to their preference for choice in non-black men. My friend still hasn’t healed from that because they did have a close bond.
Now, whenever a black “celeb” or sports player comes out the closet, only to reveal their caucasian lover, he despises it. In a way, it’s funny because that does seem to be the headlines. We haven’t seen any gay men of color with fame be with other men of color. But at the end of the day, as I explained it to him that is their choice and preference. I’ve been turned done by men of color because they aren’t interested in their race. I think a lot of black gay men have a problem with that.
The only time it was a problem for me personally was when they ignorantly showed their dislike for me, due to my complexion. When a black man dislikes his own entirely and makes it known ignorantly, then it’s an issue. There’s a difference between having a preference and self-hate. We also have to understand that self-hate does exist and occurs every single day. But I have met some guys who refuse to date their own race due to horrible experiences. But that’s when I ask them, do they believe all of us are like that of the same?
I met a guy who once told me that he couldn’t date me because I’m too “dark” and he would only be able to fuck me because I wasn’t enough for him. It made my blood boil, but at the same time, I know if you fight fire with fire it only creates more flames. I wasn’t about to argue with him or even try to change his mindset. I was not going to be DESPERATE, and beg him to just overlook the beautiful chocolate — dark and lovely skin.
I think love is beautiful, no matter the color of the person. What matters is the root of their soul and their heart. Discrimination against each other, and even against our own race is terrible. Love is supposed to be color blind. But we allow ourselves to be blinded by hate. Leave a comment sharing your own experiences within dating interracially, and some bad moments as well. Have you encountered other gay men of color who turned you down for this very reason? Share with us in the comments. You never know who may relate to your experience.