There are some dating boundaries that we shouldn’t cross. Often we do unknowingly (I would say). Sometimes those boundaries are designed for a reason. We’re all grown, and I would hope everybody who’s reading my blog is mature enough to know right from wrong. Certain things are acceptable, while there are some that are not acceptable. Outside of cheating, petty drama, typical relationship issues. I think crossing boundaries is another reason for breakups for most couples.
Whenever I see couples breaking the trust left to right, I know the relationship is not going to work. Nobody’s relationship is perfect, but if you can’t respect his space and privacy then it’s a problem to me.
There are levels to this shit and being a boyfriend does not give you the right to act as a commander in chief.
You’re not going to force anybody to respect you. It’s not going to work, and at some point, the relationship will crash and burn. You have to respect your partner. Learn how to respect the boundaries of your relationship, and maybe you can keep one.
I decided to write a list of 6 dating and relationship boundaries, which you shouldn’t cross. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been seeing them for years or even five months. You don’t have specific rights over people. You don’t own them, and they are not something in your possession that you can control.
A lot of gay men feel like their partners are their prized possessions. They aren’t objects or a trophy. The same way you got him, can be the same way you lose him. It’s that simple. People say can bye just as fast as they say hello! Don’t believe me? Cross your man’s boundaries one too many times and watch him switch the script on that ass. Until then, read this list of 6 things that you shouldn’t do to get a head start on what not to do in your relationship.
Checking His Phone/Lurking His Social Media Accounts
Stay the fuck out of your man’s phone. I mean it’s damn enar obvious why gay men go lurking in their man’s phone. You can’t feel like you have that right to invade his privacy. Now if you’re paying that man’s phone bill not only should you have access to phone but have the password to it as well. I’m not saying to lurk through it but it’s still in your name. The issue comes into play when you’re constantly checking his phone. Stop being insecure and show him that you trust him.
If you can’t trust him then why give him a damn phone?
Do you want to know the quickest way to end up without a man? Keep tampering with his phone and searching for shit. Nobody’s going to tolerate that shit unless they don’t care if you find something or not. Most men will become tired of yo ass, which is why shit always ends after this type of controlling behavior.
Don’t go through his belongings; his privacy belongs to him. If he’s unfaithful, and not being loyal to you, then leave him. If you have to question that shit, you don’t need to be with him anyway.
Because it’s either he’s not faithful to you, or you got to work on some problems of your own with trust issues.
As far as social media if you have to lurk on your man’s Facebook, Instagram, etc.
If you have to fear people on the internet talking to your man, then that’s not your man! That’s everybody’s man. If you can’t trust him then why waste time with him? A man that’s secured in his relationship has no worries or fears. If you are worrying, fearing, scared, then that’s not yours, he doesn’t belong to only you. That means he never belonged to you so why stay?
Showing Up To His Job Unexpectedly Without Permission Or Reason
There’s nothing messier then showing up at his place of employment. You know damn well you’re going to get that boy fired. If he isn’t making any money, then how the hell you expect him to eat? The dack gotta be good for you to fuck up his money, and he allows it. The dack gotta be damn good to deal with crazy which is your ass. Please know that doing this is not cute. It’s not hood pretty at all. This is considered as a disturbance and you fuck around, and them lovely Caucasians will call the police on your ass. This isn’t based in the movies and some fake ass reality show this is real life. I know some guys who’ve done this ratchet ass shit. Don’t show up to his job over some bullshit. Keep your feelings intact, crossing this boundary will send your ass to the county jail. BE SMART!
Calling His Friends and Mama After Petty Arguments
When shit goes left in your relationship do not run to his friends and his mama. That is some CHILDISH SHIT. I’m sorry, but as a grown ass man, that’s not the business. Keep your relationship and relations with you and your partner in the comforts of your own home. Your man’s mama, his friends, even his “unnteee” don’t need to be in the mix.
Getting outside forces in your mess is crossing the line. That’s worse than a damn boundary. You done took your ass further down and towards the line and passed it. That’s not cool don’t do that. His mama is not going to side with yo ass anyway. She is probably going to tell him to “tell that boy to stop playing on her phone.”
Unwanted Visits / Give Him Some PERSONAL TIME ALONE
Sometimes people need their personal space. Clinginess can drive many people crazy especially men. People need their personal space from time to time. Always being on his back is a turn-off. If a person wants to be alone, leave him-the-hell-alone. Do not invite yourself to his apartment unexpectedly. Now if you live together, let him have his alone time in the living room. If his ass is in the kitchen, you keep your ass on the other side of the house. Give him space, give him some time to breathe in, and breathe out. Smoothing him when he already needs some space will not work out. You’re going to lose your relationship.
Texting Or Speaking To Their Ex(s)
Do not contact a guys ex without his permission even if they’re still cool, do not cross that line. Their ex will never stand in your favor. They will never hide what you share with them. I don’t care if their ex is now one of your best friends. They share a bond that nothing will replace, not even you. Sometimes I’ve seen some guys do this and I cringe every time. The dumbest decision you could make is contacting his ex-lover about relationship issues. That is the stupidest thing to do. Especially behind his back. I can promise you. Every time you do that, he will find out! That’s never okay, and it’s never cool. Just know, that his ex will scheme on getting him back eventually and at some point he will.
Setting Up Threesomes Without His Permission
Sometimes we like to get freaky. I know this is a random part of the list. I have to change it up. Yes, threesomes are cool if both parties want to engage in one. Setting up a threesome without your man’s acknowledgment will not end well. I’ve seen this happen, don’t do it.
My Ex Propositioned Me To Join His “New” Relationship: Black Gay Open Relationships And Why I Refuse To Participate In One!
My ex did, in fact, propositioned me to join his new relationship. This happened last week, and I’m still mind fucked about the whole situation.
We’re Friends, But I Got My Eye On Your Man Too!
I have a problem with fake ass friends. We’ve all encountered these individuals every once in a while, but nothing prepares you for their real agenda.
Once I catch you trying to press upon my man or vice versa, then we have a problem.
NO, I will not join you and your man in bed because he wants to experiment with me and the only way to do that is through you.
NO, I won’t sleep with you whenever you and my friend get into it.
NO, We can’t exchange numbers in case if you two don’t work out so you can get with me.
There are boundaries, and a lot of gay men (in or out of relationships) don’t know their place. People are so comfortable with doing wrong, that they don’t even respect themselves. People will do all types of shit not only behind your back but also right in your face.
He isn’t your SUS, SUS!
Dear Gay Men Of Color: What’s Keeping You Single?
Everybody wants to be in a relationship until they find themselves in a “relationship.” All the drama and childish shit starts to happen, which ruins about 95% of black gay relationships in my opinion.
My issue with black gay men and their need to be in a relationship stem from most of them not being ready for one.
There’s a lot of work that goes into building and then maintaining a relationship.
There’s so much more to relationships than sex and kissing or even cuddling all day. There’s legwork and more work to make it work or even last.
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